It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize