Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
