you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize