I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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