She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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