I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
