We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
