Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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