I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
