at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think my fart just growled at me.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
