That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
