Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
