Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
