Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
