I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
