woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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