just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
