I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
