I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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