I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
