four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
