I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
