his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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