I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
