He uses pillows to masturbate.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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