party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
