Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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