Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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