I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
