dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
