Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
