hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
