I seem to have left my pride at pride
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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