I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
barbara walters just said penis...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
