Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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