woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
