would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
