maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize