dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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