The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
