Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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