So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
