Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
