Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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