So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
