It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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