hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
