Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
