piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm too high and old for this...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
