I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
