my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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