worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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