i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
