Define "chronic" masturbator.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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