you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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