if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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