Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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