Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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