We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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