i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Randomize
