nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
