I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
