the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
