you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
This is the high leading the old right now
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
