Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
