i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
did i walk over a car last night?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
