Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
