Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
