I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I intend to get homeless drunk
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize