I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
