and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
